Hi there,

First let me explaine that the post that follows is actualy from Poe, the ugly_doll on Informedconsent.co.uk

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/p/Ugly_doll/

Hi all,

 

My name is Poe, I am a doll, I am fabric and stuffing. As such I cannot be hurt, abused, or molested in any way. But it is good to know that doesn't restrain some of the wonderful men out there from offering to attempt it.

 

Indeed it is here that I shall gather some of the most charming memos sent to me so far (with commentary) as well as a selection of memos sent to friends of mine. Also if you are blessed with a collection of strange and worrying memos why not become my friend and forward them to me so I can write about them. All my comments will be in red for easy reading.

 

Also if you happen to recognise any of these memos as being from yourself then please stop reading my blog, go into your closet and stay there. You are a bad person and the internet doesn't want you! Also try to not breathe too much, more deserving people than you need that oxygen, like serial killers and Canadians.

 

So here goes with memo 1# (names will be replaced with the phrase Masterbatingslugman so as to protect the retarded person who sent it, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

Hello Poe

You look lovely (Considering I am about 1 foot tall, bright green and have wings, this is an interesting start) and sound interesting... (Indeed I do, I let off a low frequency sonar like noise that I use to catch rats)

I'm Masterbatingslugman, 57 (and I am 19, wait is this my true father? Daddy why did you leave me? I love you Daddy... sorry, I have some father issues), fit, clean cut (except when I'm in my motorcycle leathers) (at which point I unexpectedly grow a beard), retired police officer, so very trustworthy...... Hmmm (Very trustworthy..... Hmmm, HMMM!?! What the hell does that mean? “I was always trustworthy.... Hmmm, unless they looked really guilty, like that one Irish guy back in the 80’s, I mean who goes walking around London looking that Irish unless they are doing something illegal?” What has Masterbatingslugman just confessed to? He might as well just say it. “I discovered I was a sadist when I beat my first confession out of a homeless guy and then had to go wank on the corpse we had sitting in the morgue”)

I'd like to talk to you, so please have a look at my profile, and if you're not TOO alarmed (But I am so easily alarmed, AGGGHHH, Oh sorry I was just alarmed by an unexpected piece of dust), get back to me on my email addess, or come and find em (who is em and why must I find them?) in MSN Messenger sometime.

Masterbatingslugman@hotmail.com.

Hope to hear soon, (HE’S DEAF! Damn this guy just can’t catch a break)

Best wishes, (I want a bunch of ponies, a meat packaging plant and a chain of pony burger outlets, these are my wishes) Masterbatingslugman

Now having read this I though “ok another person with a total inability to understand that I am a DOLL!!” However now I have re-read it I understand the deeper meaning. Let me explain, Masterbatingslugman is a terrorist! If we read his message carefully it becomes clear he is actually trying to recruit me into his global bdsm Jihad. First he only uses two numbers 5 and 7 now add them together and you get 11. Also if you notice he capitalised TOO, perhaps hinting that it means more. So instead of TOO, we replace it with the number 2, now 7 plus 2 is 9. See now? 9/11! But don’t worry this terrorists scum will not convince me to join him in his bdsm jihad! I hope he enjoys his inevitable anal probing by the CIA (totally in accordance with Geneva Convention I am sure)

Well I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on this memo, please keep reading and please feel free to friend me and forward any creepy memos to me.

Poe

I am a doll, and still better than you. Deal with it!

Hi,

Will here.

Let me start this by saying if you are reading this, and you realise one of these posts I am about to mock is one of yours then... Stop reading this,

As some of you know ella and I have a join profile on informedconsent.co.uk and every now and then we get some wonderfully strange memo's. So for you reading pleasure here is the following... (the parts in red are the memos, and the black letters are my comments)


Well thats all for now, but there are more to come soon...

Will

We have just had a lovely party to christen the play room at last. A whole load of our friends came along and I was pleased that almost everyone was able to have a go with the equipment.

Well hello again my dear internet it has been a while hasn’t it. However, fear not, I have returned with more filthy stories of a most decedent and kinky life. In addition I have discovered that people actually read this, people who have been asking me when I will next update so here you go…

A rather amusing misunderstanding occurred the other night.

Ella asked me for a role (slave, slut, something like that) and I, misunderstanding, threw her a bread roll.

It took about ten minuets for me to stop laughing, then I fucked her silly to make up for it.

Will

A little plan for tonight

While we normally avoid the "going to pubs with strangers just because we all happened to like being naughty people" thing that many people do, a good friend of ours convinced us to take a jump into the world of strange people in pubs, and I am delighted to say that we are very glad we went.

It was a small-ish gathering of 20 people, a nice 50-50 split of gender and of dom to sub. I was glad to discover that they were all intresting, young and funny people.