Hi there,

First let me explaine that the post that follows is actualy from Poe, the ugly_doll on Informedconsent.co.uk

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/p/Ugly_doll/

Hi all,

 

My name is Poe, I am a doll, I am fabric and stuffing. As such I cannot be hurt, abused, or molested in any way. But it is good to know that doesn't restrain some of the wonderful men out there from offering to attempt it.

 

Indeed it is here that I shall gather some of the most charming memos sent to me so far (with commentary) as well as a selection of memos sent to friends of mine. Also if you are blessed with a collection of strange and worrying memos why not become my friend and forward them to me so I can write about them. All my comments will be in red for easy reading.

 

Also if you happen to recognise any of these memos as being from yourself then please stop reading my blog, go into your closet and stay there. You are a bad person and the internet doesn't want you! Also try to not breathe too much, more deserving people than you need that oxygen, like serial killers and Canadians.

 

So here goes with memo 1# (names will be replaced with the phrase Masterbatingslugman so as to protect the retarded person who sent it, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

Hello Poe

You look lovely (Considering I am about 1 foot tall, bright green and have wings, this is an interesting start) and sound interesting... (Indeed I do, I let off a low frequency sonar like noise that I use to catch rats)

I'm Masterbatingslugman, 57 (and I am 19, wait is this my true father? Daddy why did you leave me? I love you Daddy... sorry, I have some father issues), fit, clean cut (except when I'm in my motorcycle leathers) (at which point I unexpectedly grow a beard), retired police officer, so very trustworthy...... Hmmm (Very trustworthy..... Hmmm, HMMM!?! What the hell does that mean? “I was always trustworthy.... Hmmm, unless they looked really guilty, like that one Irish guy back in the 80’s, I mean who goes walking around London looking that Irish unless they are doing something illegal?” What has Masterbatingslugman just confessed to? He might as well just say it. “I discovered I was a sadist when I beat my first confession out of a homeless guy and then had to go wank on the corpse we had sitting in the morgue”)

I'd like to talk to you, so please have a look at my profile, and if you're not TOO alarmed (But I am so easily alarmed, AGGGHHH, Oh sorry I was just alarmed by an unexpected piece of dust), get back to me on my email addess, or come and find em (who is em and why must I find them?) in MSN Messenger sometime.

Masterbatingslugman@hotmail.com.

Hope to hear soon, (HE’S DEAF! Damn this guy just can’t catch a break)

Best wishes, (I want a bunch of ponies, a meat packaging plant and a chain of pony burger outlets, these are my wishes) Masterbatingslugman

Now having read this I though “ok another person with a total inability to understand that I am a DOLL!!” However now I have re-read it I understand the deeper meaning. Let me explain, Masterbatingslugman is a terrorist! If we read his message carefully it becomes clear he is actually trying to recruit me into his global bdsm Jihad. First he only uses two numbers 5 and 7 now add them together and you get 11. Also if you notice he capitalised TOO, perhaps hinting that it means more. So instead of TOO, we replace it with the number 2, now 7 plus 2 is 9. See now? 9/11! But don’t worry this terrorists scum will not convince me to join him in his bdsm jihad! I hope he enjoys his inevitable anal probing by the CIA (totally in accordance with Geneva Convention I am sure)

Well I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on this memo, please keep reading and please feel free to friend me and forward any creepy memos to me.

Poe

I am a doll, and still better than you. Deal with it!